i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
