you traded sex for a burrito?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
