What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
