Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
love makes seman taste better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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