i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
