I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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