He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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