Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
