i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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