I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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