you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
