quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
