every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
