My hand turned me down
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
