Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
