we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
