Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
