I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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