I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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