Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
