She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
