told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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