Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
