i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
