I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
