You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
