I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
