Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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