i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My life is pants optional.
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