brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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