his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
