Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
