you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
