but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
