I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
