My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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