i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
