Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
