wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
