Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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