My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
