areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
