five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my sisters under your porch take her home
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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