I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
