if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
