i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
