I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
