I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
