you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
