God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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