Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
