just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
