I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Buhtt sex?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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