2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
