Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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