i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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