She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
