i don't like sucking hair
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
