It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
