I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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